yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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