smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
