My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
