btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
