it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
