I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
