i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
