but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
