How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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