i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
