Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
