i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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