there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
