Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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