my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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