Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
