i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
