I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
