I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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