She bit a glass in half.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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