Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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