why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
