If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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