At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
