38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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