just survived the first fart of the relationship.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
