You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
