Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You smell like stripper and shame
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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