She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
