Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
