I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think i have two assholes
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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