i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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