You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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