I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
