Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
