this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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