He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
