i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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