what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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