Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up under a house in Key West
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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