Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
