he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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