My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
