broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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