It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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