Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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