Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
