On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
