I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
