dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
