She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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