I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
